Last week I took a bus up to New York by myself! What?! I would normally be terrified to do something like that, but my friend Nadine (who traveled to Panama with me) has done it before. She told me step by step how the bus thing worked and where it would drop me off and how to get to the temple from there. And smart phones definitely make things easier. Just a fun fact about me - I didn't want to get a smart phone until 2020 and held onto my "dumb" phone for years. I think I had that phone from 2010-2016 and finally got a smart phone when I moved to China. Those things lasted forever.
Anyway, I was feeling like I really, really needed to go to the temple. Along with my anxiety is something I deal with called religious scrupulosity, which is kind of an OCD about my past mistakes. It is challenging for me to feel clean or forgiven from past things. Even though I met with my Bishop like 5 or 6 times last year and was always told I was okay, my brain can't believe it. Medicine for anxiety has helped me dwell less on these worries, but since my temple recommend was coming up for renewal, I met with my new Bishop a couple of weeks ago and poured out my heart about how I've been feeling. If you ever feel like this, please feel free to reach out to me and ask questions. I didn't know this religious scrupulosity was a thing until last summer when my mom told me about an interesting podcast she had listened to about it. When she described it, I was like, "mom - I think I have that. That sounds just like me." I listened to the podcast and it just clicked. Sometimes things are NOT spiritual problems, they are mental problems. Professional counseling + medicine + Bishop's inspiration = more Peace!
In this week's Come Follow Me lesson at church, there is a part to read from Luke about a woman who enters a Pharisee's home to see the Savior. While she is there she washes, kisses and anoints his feet. Jesus Christ says to her "They sins are forgiven...Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace." I think that is so beautiful, and when I met with my Bishop and he said to me very clearly "you are clean" I think I felt a little of the joy and peace that she must have felt. In that moment, he was representating the Savior to say what He would say to me if He had been meeting with me in that office. One thing that has stood out to me from meeting with two different Bishops is that when I told them I didn't know if I needed to be there, they both told me that whether I needed to or not, I was always welcome to come talk to them and that they were there for me. I appreciate so much that they are willing to listen and counsel and comfort me whenever I feel that I need them. I left that interview with the desire to go to the temple ASAP. It's just so great to go feeling good about myself rather than feeling like I don't deserve to be there.
I decided to go up to NYC to go to the Manhattan temple because I've never been inside that one before. I caught a bus at midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning, and it got there in 5 hours! That's fast! From there I took the subway to the temple, stayed there a couple of hours, walked around the city a LOT, and then I saw Lion King on Broadway! Also, someone stopped my to ask me for directions, so I must have looked like a local (: Then I caught a bus back to Richmond that left at 5:30 and got home around 1:00 a.m. Then I passed out in my bed. Pics below. ♥
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| My grandparents used to be missionaries in this temple! They lived in the building you see in this picture that's right behind the temple. |
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| Central Park |
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| I said yes to the dress! Haha just kidding! |
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| Joe's pizza - cheap and yummy |
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| Library |
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| Inside Grand Central Station |
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| This is a good cookie - not a weird meat patty on a thin bun |
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| Didn't see this, but I thought the theater was cool! |
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| Pretty church |
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| Trying to look like a lion |
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| I'm good at this - they should recruit me for the show. |
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